got this email from shu hui.
some are quite lame.. but the rest quite funny i think. haha.
some abit racist though..
meant no offense. just for laugh =x
Story 1
Ah Lian asked shopkeeper, "Eh Ah chek, u got sell stocking up to knee boh?"
Ah Chek replied, "Lu siao ah! stocking wear up to 'yeo' (waist) only, where got up to the 'nee'(breast) one?"
Story 2
Ah Beng bought a Honda VTI recently and drove to Ah Lian's place to show it to her.
So there Ah Beng was bragging the various functions of his new car to his girlfriend.
"This is ah, so fast even the Mata Chia cannot catch ah!"
"Ha! Really ah!!! Steady lah!" said Ah Lian.
"Some more hor, this is Automatic one, vely easy to drive!"
So Ah Lian said, "Let me try! I wan, I wan!"
So Ah Lian took the driver's seat and shifted the gear and floored the accelerator. The next moment, the car sped backwards and crashed into the lamp-post.
"Alamak! What u doing? U Siao Char Bo! U see lah! Wah Piang eh!" screamed Ah Beng.
"Solee, solee, pai sah lah! No lah, I tot hor, "R" for racing mah!"
Story 3
The Titanic was sinking and there weren't enough lifeboats. So the captain had to persuade male passengers to jump into the icy water to make room for women and children.
To the British he said, "You must act like gentlemen." They jumped.
To the Americans he said, "You can be heroes." They complied.
To the Germans he said, "It's the rule." They obeyed.
To the Japanese he said," It's the consensus." They obliged.
Then came the Singaporean and they just weren't budging until he came up with the appeal: "Free life jackets for those who jumped."
Story 4
3 recruits - Chinese, Malay & Indian were at the army supply base to collect underwear. The sergeant was there to aid the supplies.
Sergeant: Hei Ah Beng! How many underwear you need ah?
Ah Beng: (thinks a while) 7 sasen(sergeant)!
Sergeant: (puzzled) How come so many?
Ah Beng: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Sat & Sun. One day one.
Sergeant: (Malay recruit) Eh Mat! How many underwear?
Mat: (without hesitation) 6 sargen!
Sergeant: (curious) How come six?
Mat: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Sat & Sun. Friday I wear sarong.
Sergeant: (Indian recruit) Dei Tambi. How many underwears dah dei?
Tambi: (very confidently) 12 Sarjen !!!!
Sergeant: (shocked & fell to the ground) Why you need so many for?
Tambi: January, February, March.....One month one.
Story 5
Once upon a time, a group of Ah Bengs stepped into a lounge and wanted the DJ to play the song "Ah Cheng Buey Ro Ti" (In Hokkien means Ah Cheng buys bread).
The DJ told them that they only have English songs and told them to re-select another song.
The Ah Bengs were very angry and kicked up a big fuss claiming the DJ was insulting them. The manager had to intervene in order to calm them down.
Finally after a long talk with Ah Bengs, the manager found out that they were actually asking for the song "Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers.
Story 6
One day, two Ah Lians got into a lift from the 20th storey and wanted to get down to the ground floor. As they looked at the dial, they could see the number 20 down to number 2. It was then followed by a G.
As they were not English-educated, they were puzzled and had no idea what does the letter G mean. Suddenly one of them exclaimed excitedly and hit G.
When they finally reached the ground floor, the other Ah Lian was so impressed and asked the first Ah Lian,"Wah low!!! How you know one?"
The first Ah Lian replied smugly, "Easy lah.. G for Gero mah..."
Story 7
Santa Singh (remember him?) just graduated from Law school and decided to apply for a job in the most prestigious "Lee & Lee Law Firm".
During the interview, Mr. Lee KY looked at Santa Singh's resume, thinks for a while and said, "Well, I would need to discuss your application with my wife." And went off to discuss Santa's application with his wife.
Lee KY's wife said, "C'mon, don't you know that we only hire lawyers with surnames beginning with 'Lee' only? Of course, we can't hire Santa Singh!" So Lee KY told the bad news to Santa Singh about his rejection.
Few days later, Santa Singh came back to the same company and requested for another interview and Lee KY said, "Look Santa, I have already told you that we only hire......."
When Santa Singh interrupted him and said, "I know, I know. I have just changed my name."
Lee KY looked at Santa Singh in surprise and asked, "What is your new name then?"
On this, Santa Singh replied, "Surname Lee, last name, Manga!" (Manga-Li)
Gas Station
A gas station was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local guy pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex.
The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex.
The guy then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time."
A week later, the same guy, along with a friend, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex.
The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number.
The guy guessed 2 this time. Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the guy said to his friend, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex."
His friend replied, "No it ain't, rigged, my wife won twice last week!!"
One day, there were an American, one Italian, a Singaporean and Bangladeshi travelled around on a private helicopter.
After about one hour of travelling, the American took out his cigarette (Dunhill), lighted it up and started smoking. After two sip, he threw the balance of the cigarette. The other three persons were surprised and asked "Why didn't you finish-up the cigarette before throwing?"
He replied arrogantly, "There is a lot of cigarettes in my country."
Half an hour later, the Italian took out a bottle of branded perfume and applied on him and the rest he threw out of the window. The other three persons were surprised and asked, "Why did you throw away the perfume?"
The Italian replied also, "There is a lot of perfume in my country."
The Singaporean didn't know what to do & suddenly pushed that Bangladeshi out of the helicopter.
The other two persons shouted crazily, "Why did you push him!!!!!!!??????"
The Singaporean said slowly, "There is a lot of Bangladeshi in my country."
Everybody kept quiet and stayed away from the Singaporean.
i wish i could tell you.. how much i miss you..
